In Your Right Mind for 2013

The year is coming to an end, and you begin to realize that maybe you have a bit more on your mind than you're willing to admit. Maybe looking back on the past year through slightly older eyes has led you to detect some unexposed adversities, or resurface old wounds that you once thought were healed. The mind is such a powerful thing, and going into 2013 with a cluttered conscious could potentially lead to negative energy taking over your mood, actions, and even your body. Mental stress is nothing to play around with. It can cause fatigue, headaches, and dramatically decrease your self-esteem. So why wouldn't you declutter your mind to increase personal productivity to start 2013 off right?!

Arm yourself with a pen and paper. Writing down the things that are eating you inside can prove to be a huge mental cleanser; as long as you are 100% honest with yourself, that is. It will help you to verbalize the non-verbal and confront your problems face to face. Start by jotting down everything on your mind. Take a step back and look at it; what stands out to you and what issues do you feel are contributing to your mental clutter the most? Once you've found out what's been picking at your brain, further dissect those annoyances by answering those same questions. It's easier to solve a problem written out in front of you, than solving one that's floating around in your head.

BREATHE! Simple breathing techniques can be instant mood changers. Start by trying deep breathing exercises, or "diaphragmatic breathing." This easy to learn method sends signals to your brain, telling it to calm down and relax. First, have a seat and get comfortable  then take a few deep breaths to slow your breathing down. Begin taking in air through your nose from your abdomen for a count of six. This will allow more air to flow through your lungs, while giving you more energy and calming your heart rate  After practicing inhalation a few times, start exhaling through your mouth for a count of seven or eight. Try not to let the air burst out of your body after inhaling. Do this for about 15 minutes and wal-la! You can once again stop and smell and happily appreciate the roses, so don't forget to breathe!

Doodle out your mind's content. Similar to writing, doodling is another way to get your mental frustrations out on paper. Instead of being formed into direct prose, doodling is more abstract and has nothing to figure out. The darkness, length, and shape of your lines tell the story. Remember how relaxed you'd feel when the teacher would be talking about covalent bonds, and you'd be drawing some horrible rendition of Tweety Bird.  Your focus is pinned on the details of the image you are creating, diverting it away from those mentally fatiguing thoughts. Although you might not be in school, it's more than OK to doodle.

Me, myself, and I. With the million and two things that need to be taken care of in your life, you might forget to take care of you, and that's a no-no. Take a little time to rekindle your relationship with yourself: Go out for dinner, treat yourself to a spa day, go out with friends, or relax in a nice bubble bath. Maintaining a healthy relationship with oneself is vital to keeping one's sanity.

Sleep on it. You need sleep almost as much as you need air. Give your brain the rest it needs. It cannot function properly without sleep, therefore you cannot function properly; the theory is brilliant  Being drowsy can not only make you extremely irritable, anxious, and unable to concentrate, but it can also slow down your reaction time enough to make it seem as though you had one drink too many. Increase your daily yieldings in 2013 by including nice doses of sleep into your schedule.

Basically: Good Thoughts - Bad thoughts = Less Mental Stress & a Better 2013!

Transitional Difficulties

When I first decided to go natural, I looked at hundreds of natural beauties and became extremely excited to try twists out. I brought new clothes with the shoes to match; The only thing I needed to complete the ensemble was a mane full of goddess-like curls sprouting from the roots of my head. I expected to have these like my friend Stacey (@Steezey_ on IG):

 

She's been natural her whole life and is always rockin' some amazing hairstyle. I expected some of her crown's Queenlyness to rub off on mine the minute I stopped using chemicals! On that first day, I two-strand twisted my hair into bantu knots and to my greatest dismay, got something like:

  

I felt so deceived and discouraged, I almost slapped that creamy crack right back into my scalp. Moral of the story for those who've also chosen to take the transitional route: Please don't catch false hopes while looking at the manes of FULLY natural beauties like A. Elle from "The Good Hair Blog" and Nikki Walton from "Curly Nikki." Try to keep in mind that there are two different textures in your tresses that don't always agree with each other, so some modification for hairstyling will definitely be necessary. If I had a penny for every time my hair didn't come out the way I wanted...I'd only be able to buy  pack of gum, but still, it's heartbreaking!

It took me months to find the best products to use as my weapons of choice to achieve the best twist out results. I had previously tried JAM hair gel with bantu knots, big rollers, small rollers, just twists, this gel, that conditioner...let's just say it has not been easy. I'm still trying to perfect my curls, but the best products that I've tried thus far has to be:

 

1. Cantu Shea Butter Leave-In Conditioning Repair Cream ($5)

2. Eco Styler Olive Oil Hair Gel ($5)

3. Some $2.99 hair rollers

4. Bobby Pins ($1.07; gotta add that NYC tax!) 

Let me tell you how I acheived my best over night twist outs:

Part hair into 6 even sections. Mix a dime sized drop of both the Cantu Shea Butter and Eco Styler Gel into your hands, and apply it to one section - too much gel or conditioner will leave your hair way too moist and will make your curls drop within an hour. Then two-strand twist it. At the end of the twist, swivel the hair up the roller and pin it down to secure its position. Repeat with every section and you should get something like this on both sides of your head:

 

Get a scarf and tie that bad boy down, and you're done! Easy right? In the morning, your curls should be bouncing in the wind like:

 

  

See, no more awkward, crinkled looking ends - pure curly goodness! I must admit, I only use these rollers because I've been too busy (lazy) to go and purchase the flexi rods. But I'm promising you guys here and now that I will get them over the weekend and share my reviews.  

Transitional hairstyles are all about trail and error. If this particular technique doesn't work for you, modify it to how you think your hair will like it. And just a quick little tip: don't try out a style right before a big event, you might end up having some transitional difficulties! 

                                                       Grae      

The Dating Game: "Plus One" Edition

There comes a time in every single parent's life where they meet someone who seems as though they have the superb ability to chisel and melt the ice away from their heart; Who could potentially bring the warmth back in during the winter and even more heat during the summer. But which direction do you go after that first glance? After the first date? Do you tell them about your child? How long before they meet the child? Should they in fact help out with the financial expenses that come along with parenting a child? The amount of questions and variables are infinite. I could go on forever! After a surveying a range of different persona, I came up with a generalization of a few things single parents, as well as potential significant others, need to be aware of before venturing into a "plus one" relationship: 

Single Parents:

  Whether the reasons are personal, economical, or a matter of just not wanting to, not everyone is ready to step up to the plate and be a great mother or father figure towards your child. However, there are those would love to jump in and play the role. 98% of potential significant others want to know exactly what they're getting into in the beginning of it all. Meaning, they'd like for you to work your child(ren) into the initial conversation somehow. This could be extremely life changing not only for you and your child, but for this significant other too. Having this knowledge beforehand could ultimately alter their decision of wanting to continue, saving themselves and you a bunch of unnecessary stress and heartache. Some would even go so far as to question your motives of speaking to them (feeling as though you were a gold digger) if you waited to dish out the details.
  Meeting the child could also be a deal or deal breaker sort of thing. The potential lover could anticipate in their mind that their maturity levels are high enough to handle a child, but the physicality of it all may prove to be just a tad too much to grasp. The majority however, would leave that timely decision for the parent. They wouldn't want to pressure them about meeting the child, in fear of seeming too pushy or like a creep. 

  Regarding the other biological parent, 60% of potential significant others propose that in these days and times, it is important to meet the other pro-creator, if they're in the child's life that is. Why? They feel it is significant to reassure the other parent of their dedication to the child. Another reason is so they can see how the two of you respond to each other while together. No one wants someone that's not trying to make them their only one! Although, some possible significant others advise that there is nothing more menacing than a parent's glare towards another figure trying to project the essence of parenting to their child. 
  Financially, potential significant others don't mind taking care of their lover's child if they have the means to do so. They would put forth the effort to make sure the child is happy and well taken care of, harmoniously creating a stronger bond between themselves and the biological parent. 
  When it comes to name calling, the majority of possible lovers have divided their opinions according to two different situations. If the other parent is actively involved in the child's life, they believe having the child call them mommy or daddy would be stepping on the toes of the other parent. In this case, a first name basis with the child would be necessary. If the other parent is absent, then they wouldn't mind at all. A couple of potential significant others, however, did say that no matter the situation, they feel as though they'd be taking something away from the other biological parent. Therefore they would automatically opt for a first name/nickname basis. 
  One major issue that kept popping its head into these interviews was going out on dates. Parents, (most) significant others realize that a babysitter isn't always readily available, and would actually like for the child to come along on some of the outings. However, room has to be set aside for quality alone time in order for the relationship to flourish. They affirm family time is just as important as some alone, fun time together.   

(Potential) Significant Others:
  One thing potential lovers MUST understand is that there's a huge difference between accepting the child and tolerating the child. Being tolerant will not fly past these protective single parents. They believe tolerance to be giving the child less than 30% of your care and time, which is unacceptable to say the least. Parents would like a partner to actively participate and genuinely want to be in their child's life. They stand by the motto "The way to my heart is through my child's heart." 
  Most parents also don't want an abundance of different lovers around their child, so if you're not introduced to the him or her right away, don't stress it. They just want to make sure they aren't wasting their time or emotions. Yes, a breakup is heart breaking, but parting from someone who's baby has grown to know and love you is doubly as agonizing for the parent and child involved. 
  Also, if you're living with your parents or other relatives, 90% of parents would feel more secure about the growing relationship if significant others told these relatives about the child. Parents see this as a sign of longevity in the relationship.
  Single parents view the matter of you meeting the other parent and name calling almost the same as the majority of potential significant others. They feel it is important for the lover to meet the other parent (if involved in the child's life), while the rest feel their personal relationships do not concern the other parent, therefore they don't see the need for the two to meet. As for calling you mommy or daddy, it's a no-no if the other biological parent is involved, but a yes if they are not. 
  Parents would secretly love a significant other who financially provided for the child without being asked to. They fear looking as if they're incapable of providing for their child or like a beggar if they were to ask. Yea, that independent mindset installed in the brains of most single parents today is serious! However, a few others feel plus one relationships automatically call the financial expenses to attention for the possible significant other, and would want them to fulfill that duty. 
  Finally, when asking to go out on dates with your single parent lover, don't assume they have a sitter lined up and waiting. Don't assume that because their mother is home, she'd jump at the chance to watch her darling grandchild while her child goes out to have the time of their life. The sitters have lives too. So be sure to tell your parent partner of future dates at least a week in advance, and to include the child in some of your plans (parents will love that). HINT: (after trust has been established) take a load off of the parent by bathing the child and putting them to bed; watch how much you'll love the next couple of days, as well as nights!

Please keep in mind: "to each his own." Meaning, every situation is different: there may be more than one child, maybe the parent or significant other has a different way of viewing things. Communication is always a major factor in the success of any relationship. Openly talk to your significant other about these topics so there won't be any misunderstandings. These are just some general guidelines to keep the ball rolling, and rolling smoothly! Peace and Love guys!!

                                                  

                                                        Grae     

G I V E A W A Y

Currently, my hair care regiment involves the use of the Shea Moisture products, including, but not limited to, Raw Shea Butter Moisture Retention Shampoo and Raw Shea Butter Restorative Conditioner. The smell is amazing, my hair shines like there is no tomorrow and it's leaves my crown extremely easy to manage. Right now, I'm in love with it. Not to mention, half of the time that I'm conditioning my hair, I'm probably stopping my daughter from playing with a plug or ingesting something unsuitable for a child or any human at that, so it's extremely helpful that this butter is not messy or sticky at all! To win these divine products, all you have to do is comment under one of the post, and leave your email address. Winners will be announced on Friday. It's a small token of my gratitude to you guys, AND it's free. Almost everything is better free! Take care guys <3

                                                        Grae     

Memoirs of a Single Mother

I remember when love was giving someone your last cookie at lunch time.
I remember believing only old couples had babies.
I remember meeting the him that mended the residuals of my soul, and everything feeling right.
I remember discovering how 1+1 could equal 3.
I remember meeting the real him.
I remember 1+1 going back to equaling 2.
I remember wishing, wanting, waiting...
I remember "thump...thump...thump..." - her heartbeat.
I remember the stress that caused the "you need to go to the hospital, you're in labor," even though I was only 36 weeks.
I remember the rush, the bright lights and beeping machines.
I remember wanting the feeling back in my numb lower half.
I remember the pulling, the tugging... the congratulations.
I remember the first time I heard her cry. It was the most beautiful solo ever performed.
I remember touching her, kissing her, holding her and the tube that fed her.
I remember feeling helpless.
I remember going home crying, alone, empty handed.
I remember traveling every day, watching her get stronger.
I remember finally taking her home, extraordinarily scared, nervous, yet excited and proud.
I remember the struggle.
I remember being strong and holding things down because it was what needed to be done.
I remember working two jobs to make sure she was well taken care of.
I remember everything getting better, then worse, then better again.
I remember my family and friends behind us the entire time.
I remember her first smile, her first laugh, the first time she sat, crawled, stood, walked, ran, kissed, the first time she said "ma-ma." - like it was yesterday.
I remember promising myself to teach her to be the best her she could be. I will keep that promise.

I see the beauty that is Erin growing, learning, and loving more with every passing second. I feel her teaching me how to love harder, be stronger, and be wiser with each passing minute. It's been a little over a year, and she never ceases to amaze me. I am a 21 year old single mom who cherishes every precious moment I have with my daughter. This is proving to be quite the learning experience - and I regret nothing.

                                                        Grae     

Dandruff: The Flaky Bandit

So there you are, going about your day, when you suddenly feel an itching sensation on the top of your crown. You don't scratch, but you look into a mirror only to find a bushel of white flakes in that very spot, or perhaps in every neatly parted section of hair. Yes, I'm talking about dandruff. 

Those tiny flakes are caused by the shedding of dead skin. Normally, skin cells mature and shed in about a month's time, while certain triggers or medical conditions can make them shed within 2-7 days. Seasonal changes, allergic reactions to certain hair products, product build up, eczema, psoriasis, or seborrhea can all initiate the rapid growth of these cells to create dandruff. It can also be caused by a fungus call malassezia, which resides on the scalps of most healthy adults. If you notice an abundance of those flaky bandits in your hair, you might want to schedule an appointment with a dermatologist. If it's not too bad, or you'd like to weigh your options by yourself, here are some suggestions: 

Hair Product Remedies:

1. Head and Shoulders

    These products are designed to combat dandruff. With over 14 different collections formulated to specific dandruff conditions, it couldn't hurt to try. 

2. Garnier Fructis Anti-Dandruff Shampoo

    The company guarantees that this product will fight off dandruff for up to 48 hours.

3. Neutrogena T/Gel Dandruff Shampoo

    This product contains ingredients like Salicylic Acid to help clear the build up of flakes.

4. Paul Mitchel Tea Tree Shampoo

    Many at-home remedies include the ingredient tea tree oil, to clear up dandruff due to its effective anti-fungal treating properties.

At Home Remedies:

1. Apple Cider Vinegar

    Add 1/4 cup of Apple Cider Vinegar to 1/4 cup of water, massage it and leave it into your hair for 30 minutes, and rinse it out. Two times a week should be just fine. The acids in this vinegar changes the pH of the scalp, and creates an undesirable environment for fungi to live in.

2. Baking Soda

    After wetting your hair, add a handful of Baking Soda and massage it in well; use it as you would a shampoo. Or you can add a good amount to your regular shampoo and condition afterwards. The texture of Baking Soda helps to get rid of the excess products out of your hair, while not stripping away too many natural oils from your hair.

3. Lemon Juice
    Squeeze about 3/4 cups worth of Fresh Lemon Juice onto your scalp, and let it sit for 15 minutes. Wash and condition it as usual. Lemon juice also contains fungi fighting acids. 

4. Tea Tree Oil
    Add 10 drops of Tea Tree Oil with 1 drop of a carrier oil, mix and massage it into your hair. Wait 30 minutes before you wash it out, then condition. Tea Tree Oil has be proven to be a very effect anti-fungal agent, and is also used in some shampoos.

5. White Vinegar

    Twice per week, add 7 tablespoons of hot water to 3 tablespoons of white vinegar, apply it to the scalp, and leave it in overnight. Rise it out in the morning with water. Just like the Apple Cider Vinegar, White Vinegar contains acetic acid which aids in keeping the fungi away.

Don't let dandruff with the fight, fight for your crown! If you have any personal stories, feel free to share. Take care Kings & Queens.

                                                                                        Grae     

Winter Woes

Being a newbie to this illuminating naturalista, transitioning back-to-me crusade, I thought I could continue with the same summer hair regiment right on into winter. This included wash-n-go’s, wetting it often, leaving my fragile ends unprotected, etc. I figured I had gotten my type 4c hair to fabulously lush and invincibly strong with little to no research, so why fix anything that isn't broken? That mindset QUICKLY changed when I woke up one morning and unsuccessfully ran my fingers through my tresses. My once humbly soft hair could now thoroughly clean the dirtiest of stoves. Distraught, I ran to Google and typed in every possible combination of words in attempt to get this crown back on track. For the past couple of weeks, my hair has been a test dummy for a bunch of at-home remedies, as well as an abundance of in-store hair care products. And it's like new life has sprouted from the top of my head! Here are a couple of tips that will keep your hair looking like it needs it's own theme song during these harsh winter months:

 1. MOISTURIZE. Period.
    The winter air takes out a good amount of moister from our curls, but you will need to know your own hair for this one. My hair has the bad habit of drying out very quickly (porosity through the roof), so every afternoon I give it a spritz of water, mixed with a bit of leave in conditioner (more leave in than water), then massage about a dime size of a moisturizing oil into it. My preference right now is olive oil because it's easily accessible, and gives my hair a soft, healthy sheen.   

2. Shampoo Less, Condition & Deep Condition More Often   
    Because shampooing too much can strip your hair of it's natural oils, I would suggest shampooing every other week, using a moisturizing shampoo, but conditioning and deep conditioning at least once a week. PLEASE do not wash your hair, then step outside. Besides making you sick, the cold air can freeze your tresses, and break them off! I'm sure you Queens don't want that.
 
3. Hot Oil Treatments        
    Treat your hair to a nice hot oil massage for 30 - 45 minutes once per week. You can use any carrier oil, such as sweet almond oil, grape seed oil, avocado oil, jojoba oil, just to name a few (I loved the way jojoba oil strengthened my hair and made it incredibly easy to manage). 


4. Use Less Heat 
    Heat = Dryness & Breakage. Besides the winter air, the heat gloriously bursting through the heater is, unfortunately, NOT your hair's best friend. It's also taking away moisture, so there's no real need to add extra stress to your tresses by putting the blow dryer (if you do use one) on full blast. If you happen to like blow dryers, I would suggest putting it on "cool."


5. Protective Styling 
    This just insures that you're hair will be able to stay healthy and retain length for the long run. Just because it's protective, doesn't mean it has to be boring! Get creative while protecting those fragile ends - Braid it, twist it, bantu knot it, rock a shrunken afro, swing it to the left, the right - Do something!  Here are a few of my favorites:

The Bun

 Bantu Knots

 Twisted Side Fro-Hawk

 Updo

Yarn Braids












These tips should be stepping stones to creating your own hair-care regiment for these strenuous weather conditions. The winter is definitely a tough competitor for our manes, but it doesn't have to win. Take some time with your hair. Learn it and get to know what will quench its thirsty roots this season.

                                                        Grae     

Hair Care Terminology

                                                    (I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS PHOTO)

That awkward moment when you go on a blog or website to try and learn something, and have no clue what the heck they're talking about.. Especially when it comes to trying to take care of your hair. I mean, humectants? Sealants? WHAT?! I don't know about you, but I was completely lost trying to keep up the first time around. Just so you guys won't feel the same when I'm blogging about the magnificent mane we call hair, here are some terms for you to know:

1. Natural - the effortless reflection of one's true self; living
true to what genuinely resonates within

2. Porosity - the hair's ability to absorb and preserve moisture

3. Transitioning - the process of letting chemically altered hair
grow out so the natural hair can grow in

4. The Big Chop - the process of cutting off all of the chemically
altered hair (if you're transitioning and your natural hair is down to your back, when you cut all of the chemically altered hair off of your head, it is still considered The Big Chop)

5. TWA - Teeny Weeny Afro

6. Relaxer - alters the chemical make up of naturally curly hair and makes it straight (commonly known as "a perm")

7. Texturizer - think of it as a mild relaxer: it still changes the chemical make up of the hair, however, it only loosens the tightness of the curls, instead of completely removing them

8. Perm - alters the chemical make up of naturally straight hair, and makes it curly

9. Lye - a very strong and dangerous chemical called Sodium Hydroxide that can be found in some relaxers - you know that burning sensation you feel when the relaxer is left on for too long? Yeah, that's lye

10. Humectants - generally, they're conditioning agents that improve the surface of the hair by attracting and binding water molecules to themselves; the way that they work depend upon the weather conditions

11. Sealant - a product that is applied over a moisturizer to seal and trap the moisture on stands of hair

12. Shampoo - a cleaning agent that breaks up the deposits of oil and dirt in the hair

13. Conditioner - a product applied after shampooing the hair; it conditions it by restoring moisture and detangling it

14. Deep Conditioner - a conditioner left on the hair for an extended period of time; it conditions the hair cuticles by restoring moisture, preventing damage and making them stronger

15. Leave-In - a type of conditioner that is applied onto towel-dried hair, and is left without rinsing

16. Wash-n-Go - The process of washing your hair and rockin' the style that you have when you walk out of the shower

17. Co-Wash - using a conditioner on your hair without applying shampoo prior to it

18. Moisturizer - used to replace the natural oils in hair; they provide a soothing protective layer that maintains hydration, and improves the appearance of dry hair

19. Mineral Oils - a byproduct of petroleum, used as a moisturizer for hair; it can also detangle, and make the hair feel softer

20. Essential Oils - oils that carry a distinct scent, or essence from the plant it was extracted from; they each treat the hair in some way - ig. lavender oil, peppermint oil, tea tree oil, rosemary oil

21. Carrier Oils - these oils carry essential oils into the scalp; they nourish, strengthen, and moisturize the hair - ig. jojoba oil, olive oil, coconut oil, vitamin E oil

22. Protective Styling - styling the hair in a way that protects it(mainly the ends) from everyday elements

23. Cornrows - braided hair that is close to the scalp and parted into rows

24. Two Strand Twist - taking two sections of hair and repeatedly wrapping them around each other until the end of the strand is reached

25. Flat Twists - two strand twisting the hair in such a way that it is close to the scalp and parted into rows

26. Braid Out - taking out the braided hair and leaving it in a crimped, afro style

27. Twist Out - taking out the twisted hair and leaving it in an afro style

28. Bantu Knots (china bumps) - taking two strand twists and wrapping it around itself, until it forms a sort of bump

29. Pineappling - using a scarf or scrunchy to wrap your hair upward, leaving a little of the hair out on top; this method protects curly styles (like a braid out or twist out) for the next day or two

I hope this was helpful to you all. If there's a term that you feel should be added, leave a comment and I'll be sure to get back to you!

                                             Grae & Kim J.