There comes a time in every single parent's life where they meet someone who seems as though they have the superb ability to chisel and melt the ice away from their heart; Who could potentially bring the warmth back in during the winter and even more heat during the summer. But which direction do you go after that first glance? After the first date? Do you tell them about your child? How long before they meet the child? Should they in fact help out with the financial expenses that come along with parenting a child? The amount of questions and variables are infinite. I could go on forever! After a surveying a range of different persona, I came up with a generalization of a few things single parents, as well as potential significant others, need to be aware of before venturing into a "plus one" relationship:
Single Parents:
Whether the reasons are personal, economical, or a matter of just not wanting to, not everyone is ready to step up to the plate and be a great mother or father figure towards your child. However, there are those would love to jump in and play the role. 98% of potential significant others want to know exactly what they're getting into in the beginning of it all. Meaning, they'd like for you to work your child(ren) into the initial conversation somehow. This could be extremely life changing not only for you and your child, but for this significant other too. Having this knowledge beforehand could ultimately alter their decision of wanting to continue, saving themselves and you a bunch of unnecessary stress and heartache. Some would even go so far as to question your motives of speaking to them (feeling as though you were a gold digger) if you waited to dish out the details.
Meeting the child could also be a deal or deal breaker sort of thing. The potential lover could anticipate in their mind that their maturity levels are high enough to handle a child, but the physicality of it all may prove to be just a tad too much to grasp. The majority however, would leave that timely decision for the parent. They wouldn't want to pressure them about meeting the child, in fear of seeming too pushy or like a creep.
Meeting the child could also be a deal or deal breaker sort of thing. The potential lover could anticipate in their mind that their maturity levels are high enough to handle a child, but the physicality of it all may prove to be just a tad too much to grasp. The majority however, would leave that timely decision for the parent. They wouldn't want to pressure them about meeting the child, in fear of seeming too pushy or like a creep.
Regarding the other biological parent, 60% of potential significant others propose that in these days and times, it is important to meet the other pro-creator, if they're in the child's life that is. Why? They feel it is significant to reassure the other parent of their dedication to the child. Another reason is so they can see how the two of you respond to each other while together. No one wants someone that's not trying to make them their only one! Although, some possible significant others advise that there is nothing more menacing than a parent's glare towards another figure trying to project the essence of parenting to their child.
Financially, potential significant others don't mind taking care of their lover's child if they have the means to do so. They would put forth the effort to make sure the child is happy and well taken care of, harmoniously creating a stronger bond between themselves and the biological parent.
When it comes to name calling, the majority of possible lovers have divided their opinions according to two different situations. If the other parent is actively involved in the child's life, they believe having the child call them mommy or daddy would be stepping on the toes of the other parent. In this case, a first name basis with the child would be necessary. If the other parent is absent, then they wouldn't mind at all. A couple of potential significant others, however, did say that no matter the situation, they feel as though they'd be taking something away from the other biological parent. Therefore they would automatically opt for a first name/nickname basis.
One major issue that kept popping its head into these interviews was going out on dates. Parents, (most) significant others realize that a babysitter isn't always readily available, and would actually like for the child to come along on some of the outings. However, room has to be set aside for quality alone time in order for the relationship to flourish. They affirm family time is just as important as some alone, fun time together.
(Potential) Significant Others:
One thing potential lovers MUST understand is that there's a huge difference between accepting the child and tolerating the child. Being tolerant will not fly past these protective single parents. They believe tolerance to be giving the child less than 30% of your care and time, which is unacceptable to say the least. Parents would like a partner to actively participate and genuinely want to be in their child's life. They stand by the motto "The way to my heart is through my child's heart."
Most parents also don't want an abundance of different lovers around their child, so if you're not introduced to the him or her right away, don't stress it. They just want to make sure they aren't wasting their time or emotions. Yes, a breakup is heart breaking, but parting from someone who's baby has grown to know and love you is doubly as agonizing for the parent and child involved.
Also, if you're living with your parents or other relatives, 90% of parents would feel more secure about the growing relationship if significant others told these relatives about the child. Parents see this as a sign of longevity in the relationship.
Single parents view the matter of you meeting the other parent and name calling almost the same as the majority of potential significant others. They feel it is important for the lover to meet the other parent (if involved in the child's life), while the rest feel their personal relationships do not concern the other parent, therefore they don't see the need for the two to meet. As for calling you mommy or daddy, it's a no-no if the other biological parent is involved, but a yes if they are not.
Parents would secretly love a significant other who financially provided for the child without being asked to. They fear looking as if they're incapable of providing for their child or like a beggar if they were to ask. Yea, that independent mindset installed in the brains of most single parents today is serious! However, a few others feel plus one relationships automatically call the financial expenses to attention for the possible significant other, and would want them to fulfill that duty.
Finally, when asking to go out on dates with your single parent lover, don't assume they have a sitter lined up and waiting. Don't assume that because their mother is home, she'd jump at the chance to watch her darling grandchild while her child goes out to have the time of their life. The sitters have lives too. So be sure to tell your parent partner of future dates at least a week in advance, and to include the child in some of your plans (parents will love that). HINT: (after trust has been established) take a load off of the parent by bathing the child and putting them to bed; watch how much you'll love the next couple of days, as well as nights!
Please keep in mind: "to each his own." Meaning, every situation is different: there may be more than one child, maybe the parent or significant other has a different way of viewing things. Communication is always a major factor in the success of any relationship. Openly talk to your significant other about these topics so there won't be any misunderstandings. These are just some general guidelines to keep the ball rolling, and rolling smoothly! Peace and Love guys!!
Financially, potential significant others don't mind taking care of their lover's child if they have the means to do so. They would put forth the effort to make sure the child is happy and well taken care of, harmoniously creating a stronger bond between themselves and the biological parent.
When it comes to name calling, the majority of possible lovers have divided their opinions according to two different situations. If the other parent is actively involved in the child's life, they believe having the child call them mommy or daddy would be stepping on the toes of the other parent. In this case, a first name basis with the child would be necessary. If the other parent is absent, then they wouldn't mind at all. A couple of potential significant others, however, did say that no matter the situation, they feel as though they'd be taking something away from the other biological parent. Therefore they would automatically opt for a first name/nickname basis.
One major issue that kept popping its head into these interviews was going out on dates. Parents, (most) significant others realize that a babysitter isn't always readily available, and would actually like for the child to come along on some of the outings. However, room has to be set aside for quality alone time in order for the relationship to flourish. They affirm family time is just as important as some alone, fun time together.
(Potential) Significant Others:
One thing potential lovers MUST understand is that there's a huge difference between accepting the child and tolerating the child. Being tolerant will not fly past these protective single parents. They believe tolerance to be giving the child less than 30% of your care and time, which is unacceptable to say the least. Parents would like a partner to actively participate and genuinely want to be in their child's life. They stand by the motto "The way to my heart is through my child's heart."
Most parents also don't want an abundance of different lovers around their child, so if you're not introduced to the him or her right away, don't stress it. They just want to make sure they aren't wasting their time or emotions. Yes, a breakup is heart breaking, but parting from someone who's baby has grown to know and love you is doubly as agonizing for the parent and child involved.
Also, if you're living with your parents or other relatives, 90% of parents would feel more secure about the growing relationship if significant others told these relatives about the child. Parents see this as a sign of longevity in the relationship.
Single parents view the matter of you meeting the other parent and name calling almost the same as the majority of potential significant others. They feel it is important for the lover to meet the other parent (if involved in the child's life), while the rest feel their personal relationships do not concern the other parent, therefore they don't see the need for the two to meet. As for calling you mommy or daddy, it's a no-no if the other biological parent is involved, but a yes if they are not.
Parents would secretly love a significant other who financially provided for the child without being asked to. They fear looking as if they're incapable of providing for their child or like a beggar if they were to ask. Yea, that independent mindset installed in the brains of most single parents today is serious! However, a few others feel plus one relationships automatically call the financial expenses to attention for the possible significant other, and would want them to fulfill that duty.
Finally, when asking to go out on dates with your single parent lover, don't assume they have a sitter lined up and waiting. Don't assume that because their mother is home, she'd jump at the chance to watch her darling grandchild while her child goes out to have the time of their life. The sitters have lives too. So be sure to tell your parent partner of future dates at least a week in advance, and to include the child in some of your plans (parents will love that). HINT: (after trust has been established) take a load off of the parent by bathing the child and putting them to bed; watch how much you'll love the next couple of days, as well as nights!
Please keep in mind: "to each his own." Meaning, every situation is different: there may be more than one child, maybe the parent or significant other has a different way of viewing things. Communication is always a major factor in the success of any relationship. Openly talk to your significant other about these topics so there won't be any misunderstandings. These are just some general guidelines to keep the ball rolling, and rolling smoothly! Peace and Love guys!!
Grae
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