Ryan

Inexpensive Romance

 

(I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHT TO THIS PHOTO)

Thanks to the mainstream media, when men think of romance, they think of renting out a fancy 5 star restaurant for just them and their lady, with pricey well-aged wine, and a pianist playing her favorite song. Dinner should be followed by a private jet plane ride  to some secluded beach where they can curl their toes in the sand, watch the sun rise glisten in its array of pink, purple, blue and red hues, and fall further in love. Not to mention the majority of men also believe that if they can not fork out the cash for a scene like that, it somehow exempts them from their romantic duties - isn't that funny ladies? Now, don't get me wrong, that sort of situation sounds great, but men need to realize something that extravagant is not always necessary. There are hundreds of inexpensive ideas to be enticingly enchanting towards your lady, here are a few:

Roof Top Fun:
During a nice summer day, lay out a blanket or two on top of a building's roof. Bring along some snacks, music, and maybe an iPad to watch Netflix from. Give you and your lady a chance to spend some quality time together outside of the house, in a spontaneous place.  It doesn't have to be your building, but if it's not, just don't get caught!

Flowers:
The majority of ladies who are not allergic to flowers would still like to receive them every once in a while. It's not so much about the flowers as it is the gesture. It shows her that she was on your mind enough for you to want to show a bit of appreciation. Make sure to pick out her favorite flowers, because not all women like red roses. Your Queen will surely smile from ear to ear walking into class or work with some fresh flowers from her King!

Night Time Surprise:
You all know that dinner is a daily evening ritual. But you probably didn't know that it can be spiced up by just its presentation alone; set the dinner table with a few candles, dim the lights, dress up for the occasion, prepare and alter the plate to perfection. And if you can't throw down in the kitchen, call a friend who can for help. That's what friends are for, right? Follow dinner with a nice bubble bath for your Queen, and then end the night with a cool oil massage. Her feeling appreciated will just be the beginning...

Carving Names:
If you happen to be taking a stroll with your lady and you spot a beautifully brown tree, go old school and carve your names into it, with a heart around it. If your Queen loves corny things (like me), this will be a definite crowd pleaser!

Dessert:
When was the last time you and your lady went out for some ice cream? If you have a car, take a ride and go get some. Take it to go and park your vehicle somewhere that has the sunset or moon in clear view. Enjoy your dessert inside the car or on the top of it. Enjoy time just talking to her. 

Just Dance:
Cleaning the house? Put some music on and get into it. Take a second off from dusting your PS3 to dance with your Queen. Serenade her by letting her rest her head on your chest, while doing a simple two-step to a smooth R&B tune. 

The simplest things can swoon your lady. And if you're situation doesn't fit the romantic scene(s) above, modify it - easy solution. Snowball off of these ideas and remind your Queen why she fell in love!




P.S. - Extra special thanks to Omari, Lloyd, and Dwayne for the heated debate ;)


                                                        Grae     

In Your Right Mind for 2013

The year is coming to an end, and you begin to realize that maybe you have a bit more on your mind than you're willing to admit. Maybe looking back on the past year through slightly older eyes has led you to detect some unexposed adversities, or resurface old wounds that you once thought were healed. The mind is such a powerful thing, and going into 2013 with a cluttered conscious could potentially lead to negative energy taking over your mood, actions, and even your body. Mental stress is nothing to play around with. It can cause fatigue, headaches, and dramatically decrease your self-esteem. So why wouldn't you declutter your mind to increase personal productivity to start 2013 off right?!

Arm yourself with a pen and paper. Writing down the things that are eating you inside can prove to be a huge mental cleanser; as long as you are 100% honest with yourself, that is. It will help you to verbalize the non-verbal and confront your problems face to face. Start by jotting down everything on your mind. Take a step back and look at it; what stands out to you and what issues do you feel are contributing to your mental clutter the most? Once you've found out what's been picking at your brain, further dissect those annoyances by answering those same questions. It's easier to solve a problem written out in front of you, than solving one that's floating around in your head.

BREATHE! Simple breathing techniques can be instant mood changers. Start by trying deep breathing exercises, or "diaphragmatic breathing." This easy to learn method sends signals to your brain, telling it to calm down and relax. First, have a seat and get comfortable  then take a few deep breaths to slow your breathing down. Begin taking in air through your nose from your abdomen for a count of six. This will allow more air to flow through your lungs, while giving you more energy and calming your heart rate  After practicing inhalation a few times, start exhaling through your mouth for a count of seven or eight. Try not to let the air burst out of your body after inhaling. Do this for about 15 minutes and wal-la! You can once again stop and smell and happily appreciate the roses, so don't forget to breathe!

Doodle out your mind's content. Similar to writing, doodling is another way to get your mental frustrations out on paper. Instead of being formed into direct prose, doodling is more abstract and has nothing to figure out. The darkness, length, and shape of your lines tell the story. Remember how relaxed you'd feel when the teacher would be talking about covalent bonds, and you'd be drawing some horrible rendition of Tweety Bird.  Your focus is pinned on the details of the image you are creating, diverting it away from those mentally fatiguing thoughts. Although you might not be in school, it's more than OK to doodle.

Me, myself, and I. With the million and two things that need to be taken care of in your life, you might forget to take care of you, and that's a no-no. Take a little time to rekindle your relationship with yourself: Go out for dinner, treat yourself to a spa day, go out with friends, or relax in a nice bubble bath. Maintaining a healthy relationship with oneself is vital to keeping one's sanity.

Sleep on it. You need sleep almost as much as you need air. Give your brain the rest it needs. It cannot function properly without sleep, therefore you cannot function properly; the theory is brilliant  Being drowsy can not only make you extremely irritable, anxious, and unable to concentrate, but it can also slow down your reaction time enough to make it seem as though you had one drink too many. Increase your daily yieldings in 2013 by including nice doses of sleep into your schedule.

Basically: Good Thoughts - Bad thoughts = Less Mental Stress & a Better 2013!

Transitional Difficulties

When I first decided to go natural, I looked at hundreds of natural beauties and became extremely excited to try twists out. I brought new clothes with the shoes to match; The only thing I needed to complete the ensemble was a mane full of goddess-like curls sprouting from the roots of my head. I expected to have these like my friend Stacey (@Steezey_ on IG):

 

She's been natural her whole life and is always rockin' some amazing hairstyle. I expected some of her crown's Queenlyness to rub off on mine the minute I stopped using chemicals! On that first day, I two-strand twisted my hair into bantu knots and to my greatest dismay, got something like:

  

I felt so deceived and discouraged, I almost slapped that creamy crack right back into my scalp. Moral of the story for those who've also chosen to take the transitional route: Please don't catch false hopes while looking at the manes of FULLY natural beauties like A. Elle from "The Good Hair Blog" and Nikki Walton from "Curly Nikki." Try to keep in mind that there are two different textures in your tresses that don't always agree with each other, so some modification for hairstyling will definitely be necessary. If I had a penny for every time my hair didn't come out the way I wanted...I'd only be able to buy  pack of gum, but still, it's heartbreaking!

It took me months to find the best products to use as my weapons of choice to achieve the best twist out results. I had previously tried JAM hair gel with bantu knots, big rollers, small rollers, just twists, this gel, that conditioner...let's just say it has not been easy. I'm still trying to perfect my curls, but the best products that I've tried thus far has to be:

 

1. Cantu Shea Butter Leave-In Conditioning Repair Cream ($5)

2. Eco Styler Olive Oil Hair Gel ($5)

3. Some $2.99 hair rollers

4. Bobby Pins ($1.07; gotta add that NYC tax!) 

Let me tell you how I acheived my best over night twist outs:

Part hair into 6 even sections. Mix a dime sized drop of both the Cantu Shea Butter and Eco Styler Gel into your hands, and apply it to one section - too much gel or conditioner will leave your hair way too moist and will make your curls drop within an hour. Then two-strand twist it. At the end of the twist, swivel the hair up the roller and pin it down to secure its position. Repeat with every section and you should get something like this on both sides of your head:

 

Get a scarf and tie that bad boy down, and you're done! Easy right? In the morning, your curls should be bouncing in the wind like:

 

  

See, no more awkward, crinkled looking ends - pure curly goodness! I must admit, I only use these rollers because I've been too busy (lazy) to go and purchase the flexi rods. But I'm promising you guys here and now that I will get them over the weekend and share my reviews.  

Transitional hairstyles are all about trail and error. If this particular technique doesn't work for you, modify it to how you think your hair will like it. And just a quick little tip: don't try out a style right before a big event, you might end up having some transitional difficulties! 

                                                       Grae      

The Dating Game: "Plus One" Edition

There comes a time in every single parent's life where they meet someone who seems as though they have the superb ability to chisel and melt the ice away from their heart; Who could potentially bring the warmth back in during the winter and even more heat during the summer. But which direction do you go after that first glance? After the first date? Do you tell them about your child? How long before they meet the child? Should they in fact help out with the financial expenses that come along with parenting a child? The amount of questions and variables are infinite. I could go on forever! After a surveying a range of different persona, I came up with a generalization of a few things single parents, as well as potential significant others, need to be aware of before venturing into a "plus one" relationship: 

Single Parents:

  Whether the reasons are personal, economical, or a matter of just not wanting to, not everyone is ready to step up to the plate and be a great mother or father figure towards your child. However, there are those would love to jump in and play the role. 98% of potential significant others want to know exactly what they're getting into in the beginning of it all. Meaning, they'd like for you to work your child(ren) into the initial conversation somehow. This could be extremely life changing not only for you and your child, but for this significant other too. Having this knowledge beforehand could ultimately alter their decision of wanting to continue, saving themselves and you a bunch of unnecessary stress and heartache. Some would even go so far as to question your motives of speaking to them (feeling as though you were a gold digger) if you waited to dish out the details.
  Meeting the child could also be a deal or deal breaker sort of thing. The potential lover could anticipate in their mind that their maturity levels are high enough to handle a child, but the physicality of it all may prove to be just a tad too much to grasp. The majority however, would leave that timely decision for the parent. They wouldn't want to pressure them about meeting the child, in fear of seeming too pushy or like a creep. 

  Regarding the other biological parent, 60% of potential significant others propose that in these days and times, it is important to meet the other pro-creator, if they're in the child's life that is. Why? They feel it is significant to reassure the other parent of their dedication to the child. Another reason is so they can see how the two of you respond to each other while together. No one wants someone that's not trying to make them their only one! Although, some possible significant others advise that there is nothing more menacing than a parent's glare towards another figure trying to project the essence of parenting to their child. 
  Financially, potential significant others don't mind taking care of their lover's child if they have the means to do so. They would put forth the effort to make sure the child is happy and well taken care of, harmoniously creating a stronger bond between themselves and the biological parent. 
  When it comes to name calling, the majority of possible lovers have divided their opinions according to two different situations. If the other parent is actively involved in the child's life, they believe having the child call them mommy or daddy would be stepping on the toes of the other parent. In this case, a first name basis with the child would be necessary. If the other parent is absent, then they wouldn't mind at all. A couple of potential significant others, however, did say that no matter the situation, they feel as though they'd be taking something away from the other biological parent. Therefore they would automatically opt for a first name/nickname basis. 
  One major issue that kept popping its head into these interviews was going out on dates. Parents, (most) significant others realize that a babysitter isn't always readily available, and would actually like for the child to come along on some of the outings. However, room has to be set aside for quality alone time in order for the relationship to flourish. They affirm family time is just as important as some alone, fun time together.   

(Potential) Significant Others:
  One thing potential lovers MUST understand is that there's a huge difference between accepting the child and tolerating the child. Being tolerant will not fly past these protective single parents. They believe tolerance to be giving the child less than 30% of your care and time, which is unacceptable to say the least. Parents would like a partner to actively participate and genuinely want to be in their child's life. They stand by the motto "The way to my heart is through my child's heart." 
  Most parents also don't want an abundance of different lovers around their child, so if you're not introduced to the him or her right away, don't stress it. They just want to make sure they aren't wasting their time or emotions. Yes, a breakup is heart breaking, but parting from someone who's baby has grown to know and love you is doubly as agonizing for the parent and child involved. 
  Also, if you're living with your parents or other relatives, 90% of parents would feel more secure about the growing relationship if significant others told these relatives about the child. Parents see this as a sign of longevity in the relationship.
  Single parents view the matter of you meeting the other parent and name calling almost the same as the majority of potential significant others. They feel it is important for the lover to meet the other parent (if involved in the child's life), while the rest feel their personal relationships do not concern the other parent, therefore they don't see the need for the two to meet. As for calling you mommy or daddy, it's a no-no if the other biological parent is involved, but a yes if they are not. 
  Parents would secretly love a significant other who financially provided for the child without being asked to. They fear looking as if they're incapable of providing for their child or like a beggar if they were to ask. Yea, that independent mindset installed in the brains of most single parents today is serious! However, a few others feel plus one relationships automatically call the financial expenses to attention for the possible significant other, and would want them to fulfill that duty. 
  Finally, when asking to go out on dates with your single parent lover, don't assume they have a sitter lined up and waiting. Don't assume that because their mother is home, she'd jump at the chance to watch her darling grandchild while her child goes out to have the time of their life. The sitters have lives too. So be sure to tell your parent partner of future dates at least a week in advance, and to include the child in some of your plans (parents will love that). HINT: (after trust has been established) take a load off of the parent by bathing the child and putting them to bed; watch how much you'll love the next couple of days, as well as nights!

Please keep in mind: "to each his own." Meaning, every situation is different: there may be more than one child, maybe the parent or significant other has a different way of viewing things. Communication is always a major factor in the success of any relationship. Openly talk to your significant other about these topics so there won't be any misunderstandings. These are just some general guidelines to keep the ball rolling, and rolling smoothly! Peace and Love guys!!

                                                  

                                                        Grae     

G I V E A W A Y

Currently, my hair care regiment involves the use of the Shea Moisture products, including, but not limited to, Raw Shea Butter Moisture Retention Shampoo and Raw Shea Butter Restorative Conditioner. The smell is amazing, my hair shines like there is no tomorrow and it's leaves my crown extremely easy to manage. Right now, I'm in love with it. Not to mention, half of the time that I'm conditioning my hair, I'm probably stopping my daughter from playing with a plug or ingesting something unsuitable for a child or any human at that, so it's extremely helpful that this butter is not messy or sticky at all! To win these divine products, all you have to do is comment under one of the post, and leave your email address. Winners will be announced on Friday. It's a small token of my gratitude to you guys, AND it's free. Almost everything is better free! Take care guys <3

                                                        Grae     

Memoirs of a Single Mother

I remember when love was giving someone your last cookie at lunch time.
I remember believing only old couples had babies.
I remember meeting the him that mended the residuals of my soul, and everything feeling right.
I remember discovering how 1+1 could equal 3.
I remember meeting the real him.
I remember 1+1 going back to equaling 2.
I remember wishing, wanting, waiting...
I remember "thump...thump...thump..." - her heartbeat.
I remember the stress that caused the "you need to go to the hospital, you're in labor," even though I was only 36 weeks.
I remember the rush, the bright lights and beeping machines.
I remember wanting the feeling back in my numb lower half.
I remember the pulling, the tugging... the congratulations.
I remember the first time I heard her cry. It was the most beautiful solo ever performed.
I remember touching her, kissing her, holding her and the tube that fed her.
I remember feeling helpless.
I remember going home crying, alone, empty handed.
I remember traveling every day, watching her get stronger.
I remember finally taking her home, extraordinarily scared, nervous, yet excited and proud.
I remember the struggle.
I remember being strong and holding things down because it was what needed to be done.
I remember working two jobs to make sure she was well taken care of.
I remember everything getting better, then worse, then better again.
I remember my family and friends behind us the entire time.
I remember her first smile, her first laugh, the first time she sat, crawled, stood, walked, ran, kissed, the first time she said "ma-ma." - like it was yesterday.
I remember promising myself to teach her to be the best her she could be. I will keep that promise.

I see the beauty that is Erin growing, learning, and loving more with every passing second. I feel her teaching me how to love harder, be stronger, and be wiser with each passing minute. It's been a little over a year, and she never ceases to amaze me. I am a 21 year old single mom who cherishes every precious moment I have with my daughter. This is proving to be quite the learning experience - and I regret nothing.

                                                        Grae